3.20.2009

THE PERFECTIONIST THAT I AM

Stacie Speaking.  My entire life I have been an over-achiever.  I took mostly bookish classes in high school, too many of them.  I took AP Psychology, AP Physics, AP Statistics, AP Calculus, and honors English classes all through high school.  I graduated with a 3.95 cumulative GPA, and for what?  I didn't end up accepting my offer to BYU, and am instead going to school in Rexburg, Idaho studying Family and Consumer Science.  Whatever I once learned about logarithmic integral derivatives, or whatever, has clearly been forgotten and has never once been useful in my schooling past high school.  
I have pushed myself just as hard since being at BYU-Idaho, which has paid off with my half-tuition scholarship.  The problem is that I have calculated (as all nerdy perfectionists do) exactly what grades I will need to get this semester to bump my half-tuition scholarship to full.  The achievement is possible on paper, and entering this semester I was set on getting my 3.8 that is necessary for a full tuition scholarship.  Unfortunately, the calculator on my handy-dandy cell phone didn't factor in trying to balance my busiest semester of school yet, work and extravadance, and finishing wedding plans.  Upon realizing that I will not be receiving a full tuition scholarship I felt terribly disappointed in myself.  I should be doing better in school.  But even more than that, and more disappointing than knowing I will not be saving that extra tuition money after all, I am disappointed knowing that this is my last chance at receiving a scholarship, and if I don't get a full tuition scholarship now, I never will get the chance to do so.
I have a sickness.  A need to accomplish.  I can't wait to graduate so that this getting straight A's nonsense is out of my life until I have a mini-me in high school, or perhaps more realistically, until I have a child who couldn't care less about achieving in school.  I'm not sure which is worse, I guess it's a balancing act.

3 comments :

trish said...

hey...you got a scholarship, that is something to be proud of!!

Marianne said...

I think you are perfect! Don't be so hard on yourself. I love and miss you.

Hayley said...

Oh my sheesh, I totally feel ya. Except for being awesome like you were in high school, I can totally relate. Being engaged and in school and working full time = a disaster. You've got to let one of them go, sort of. I chose school. See ya school. Better luck next time.

And besides that, you ARE awesome!!!