The doctor's have been saying that Lenna will have ups and downs before she comes home... and today was one of her downs. She's still healthy, which is something to smile about, but she was refusing to eat anything all day long, just staring at me while I tried to coax her to eat-eat-please eat.

When she was born her doctor told me that for a pre-term baby to eat an entire feeding on their own is about as tiring as running a marathon. She is getting stronger, so I don't think it's that wearing on her anymore, but you can imagine why she falls asleep halfway through her feeding and then will sleep completely through the two feedings following that. That being said, she is gaining weight wonderfully. As of yesterday she was 4 lbs. 14 oz. That, in contrast to her lowest weight of 3 lbs. 12 oz., is really impressive! She's even getting a double chin.

I want to bring her home so badly, so it's hard to have days where we see no progression at all. It breaks my heart to see my baby girl living in a plastic crib, hooked up to monitors. I'm dying to see her sweet little face without that tube in her nose. And while I know I certainly can't provide her with what she needs at the NICU, I can't help but feel like I'm neglecting her every time I leave the hospital and go home without her. I just have to remind myself that these are temporary conditions, and hope that she knows how much we love her.

Rauland is very good at dressing and swaddling her, he loves tucking his little girl in for bed.

Then tonight for her 7:30 feeding she did really well and ate 3/4 of her feeding. As if that wasn't enough to brighten my day, I came home to find that Rauland and Tanya had gone out and gotten comfort food - funfetti cake, crumb cake, and white chocolate raspberry truffle ice cream. They must love me or something.


Clint said...

They love you and we all love you, Stacie. And holy cow, does that girl have Rauland's mouth. I don't need to tell you that she'll be okay. You know she will get stronger, gain even more weight and be ship shape soon enough.

Jana said...

Aw Stacie. I can't even imagine what you are going through, but i DO know that you are all handling it incredibly well. She is so lucky to have parents who want her home so badly. I love you so much. She'll get there. There are a lot of prayers for all three of you every single day.

Hayley said...

I love that she is kinda smiling in that last photo. So cute. Love ya Stace!

Liz & Zac said...

She is beautiful! 5lbs is big! You are such a strong woman I can only imagine how hard it would be to leave the hospital everyday. She will be in her own crib soon enough.

trish said...

Stacie...that baby KNOWS you love her!! She is so sweet, I love the new pictures. I cant even begin to understand what it is like to have to leave the hospital every day, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Before you know it she will be home and ALL YOURS!!! We all love you and your family...muah!

Casey and Nicole said...

Stacie, that is absolutely no doubt that that beautiful little girl can feel your love for her just radiating!! She is precious!!